The Small Moments
I really hope all of you out there are very very human. Otherwise, this post is going to make me look like a monster.
I don't know if it's the moody San Francisco summer weather, how overworked I've been, or just a funk I've been going through, but I have recently caught myself being...ahem, a little catty. Now don't get me wrong. I don't want to be catty. I want to be sweet, and kind, and fair, and good. And during some periods of my life, it's so easy to be all of those things. You know the ones I mean, when your life is going through a relaxing stretch and everything is going your way and all your ventures are coming up roses. Sure, then, I'm totally blissed out and the very pinnacle of Christian love.
But lately, I hardly recognize myself. At first I just chimed in with the occasional catty comment here and there and always regretted. But somewhere along the way, I started INITIATING uncharitable conversations. I'll have this out-of-body moment where I hear myself going on and on and will be repulsed.
Do you think this sort of thing is like a bad habit? I feel like I've let myself do it one too many times and now it feels a little...comfortable.
Granted, I'm probably hyper-aware at the moment. Ever since I read about the praying without ceasing thing in Franny and Zooey and posted about it, I've been really thinking about my day-to-day mindset. What I probably wouldn't have worried much about before, now really bothers me. To say nothing of the fact that it's hardly "Christian" behavior, this business...is very gross for the soul. It utterly mucks up the business of living and blinds you to joys of life's small moments.
So anyway, this week I'm trying to be 100% catty-comment (and thought-) free. And I tell you what, some addictions are harder to break than others. But I already feel a little lighter on my feet, a little more at peace with the realities and struggles, and maybe even a little kinder.
--May
10 comments:
good for you, may, and i'm with you 100%. sometimes i get into a rut where i have to consciously think before i speak and take into account what i'm about to say.
i had a teacher in high school who challenged me to:
1. stop before you speak
2. think about:
a. what you're about to say
b. why you want to say it
c. how the other person will feel after you've said it
d. what it might do to your relationship
and it seems silly and elementary now but wow - i STILL have to do that at times. that pause and analysis has made all the difference sometimes.
and if that doesn't work, there's always adderall.
I think the word/name you are looking for is not 'Monster' but 'Human'. I will not look up the verse at this time in the morning but the process you are referring to is working out your salvation with fear and trembling. In other words 'sanctification'.
If it were easy then the world we live in would be closer to the original Eden. That said, it is not easy. God only gives us the ability to recognize our plight and then requires we do something about it. Whoops, I'm on a roll, I'm stepping down off my box.
Huggs and kisses, Hoot.
ps, I think rustypants is on track, sounds like she had a wise teacher.
rustypants is a dude, hoot. :-)
rustypants, you have my most profound apologies. My assumption should have been a good one given this blog. I even went to your blog to check. Oops.
Now that we are done with that, lets go ahead and see the humor in all guy posts (so far) on the 'good girl' blog for today.
Hoot
btw, nice blog.
I am wondering if perhaps the word you are looking for is not "monster" or "human" but "bride-to-be."
I think it would be a lot easier if we ALL thought like this. But sometimes people are awful and it's harder to keep the negative thoughts at bay. Deep breaths, I guess, deep breaths.
I love that I posted about cattiness and all the men responded! That's so awesome! Rusty, Hoot, PJD! (not Holly, obv.)
Rustypants--wise advice. Looking back on all the big regrets of my life, I find that if I had just stopped myself and slept on it, I would have avoided nearly all of them.
Hoot--Thanks, shug!
PJD--Totally. I'm trying not to be a bridezilla but the stereotype exists for a reason!
Holly--I swear some people are put on this earth to test us. There's just no other explanation...
I waited tables for 5 years and toward the end I woke up every morning hating everything and everyone and began complaining gossiping with all the other lifers at the restaurant.
I have always been a people person...I love people. So my attitude was disturbing.
Then one day I submitted an application to a small Catholic university in Ohio. Four months later (last August) I packed up and moved my whole apartment to a ridiculously cheap 2 BR and am now a full-time undergraduate student at age 37.
My bad attitudes are usually signs that somethin' ain't right on the inside. I am so grateful for the ability to see areas that need improvement. I consider it a grace because left to my own devices I'd go along blissfully ignorant.
Glad to see another person who sees a need for change and does something about it. You rule!
Certain people know how to push my buttons and sometimes learning to tame my tongue with them can be tricky.
Post a Comment