Oh Man.

LAST week in God, we had Jeremiah Wright being crazy, Miley Cyrus being naked, and Anne Lamott being cool. But since Blogger hates us (not that I’m bitter), we don’t get to experience the awesomeness that is last week’s This Week in God. But never fear, faithful readers. Plenty of fun things happened this week too.

Most notably, the anniversary of May’s birth on Friday. Happy Birthday May! (Everyone should congratulate her—it’s a big one!)

In other news, a lot of people died in Myanmar this week . A lot. It’s really sad. I suppose that doesn’t exactly have a lot to do with This Week in God, except, um, let’s pray for that country. They need help like nobody’s business.

On a more cheerful note, the crazies are alive and well. Or least this man, who wants to legally change his name to In God (first name) We Trust (last name) is. Why? Because “He's... worried atheists might finally be successful in having the phrase "In God We Trust" removed from U.S. currency. ‘Those words are an endangered species.’ I hate to break it to him, but the blue whale is an endangered species. Those words are just words. But kudos to him for cracking me up... I mean living out his faith.

Some guy in Florida (naturally this would happen in Florida) appears to be building an ark by the side of the road. That’s pretty much all the info we have, though, um, yeah. Wow.

Keep up the good work, people. And tune again next week, when we’ll be up and running like normal again. Well, as normal as you can get when this is your co-author.




Happy birthday May!

We're Back!

A week and a half ago, I realized Apocalypse had arrived. The whole internet had exploded!

But then I calmed down a bit and realized that it wasn’t actually the whole internet that was gone, it was just our blog. Strangely, that didn’t really make me feel a lot better. Somehow our entire blog, all 517 genius, hilarious, witty, insightful entries—I mean all 3 genius, hilarious, witty, insightful entries plus all the rest—had just vanished. It was like our blog had been raptured and we’d been left behind.



You all know I was just looking for an excuse to put that video up again. Actually, I’m kind of proud that I’m only in the third paragraph and already I’ve managed to hit on Armageddon and DC Talk. This means I just have to throw in some tacky Jesus art to have hit the trinity of my favorite blog topics.




Ok wait, where was I? Why the geniuses at Blogger felt like our blog should no longer exist. I think they just don’t like DC Talk, personally.

Anyway, it was kind of scary to wake up and see that everything we’d done for the past two years had just vanished into the cosmos. May and I freaked out, and I think it actually just made me and May even more convinced that the internet is actually out to get us. May also felt this strange need to assure me repeatedly that she didn’t delete our blog, even though I’m the moron who does stuff like that and totally didn’t suspect her at all.

May laid the smack down with the people at Blogger, and we got our blog reinstated, but then Blogger locked it. They marked it as a spam blog, and had to review it before they’d let us post again.




Spam! I mean, I know we post about stupid stuff sometimes, but we don’t have any fillers or artificial preservatives or anything, so it was kind of insulting. I guess that’s what happens when your blog’s name sounds like porn (why does everyone assume Good Girl means the exact opposite?!?!).

This is all to say: If you missed your daily installments of Anne and May’s madness for the past week, that’s why. Because Blogger bites. And if you didn’t even notice… congrats on having a life!

Expect a move to a new location internet soon. And I think we're going to officially go by just Anne&May from now on. But for now, I leave you with this.




You know you missed us.

OMG

We're back!

More to come...

May

Oh, Baby. Heaven is a Place on Earth*

As a kid I knew a lot about heaven. It was “up there" and populated by beautiful angels playing harps and floating on clouds. In fact I was so sure that I knew where it was that I spent many a plane ride, high up in the clouds, looking for it.

I was also sure that hell was “down there.” One summer at church camp, my friend pointed out that though we probably shouldn't flip birds at the boys, we could flip off Satan because Jesus wouldn’t mind. In fact, he’d probably be glad that we did. So for an entire sticky Florida summer we walked around shooting birds at the soil, no doubt baffling our sweet teachers who couldn’t fathom what we were up to.

And all this came flooding back to me this week, when yet again Moose came through with another strange and wonderful thing she found on the Internet. Allow me to (hopefully) be the first to introduce you to: Reserve a Spot in Heaven and Reserve a Spot in Hell.

Reserve a Spot in Heaven is not just selling ticket to the Pearly Gates (100% guaranteed or your money back!) but also VIP access to special restricted areas in heaven. They even note that space is running out in the Great Hereafter, and now is the time to act if you're serious about living it up in the next life.

Reserve a Spot in Hell is more of a revenge sort of thing. An annoying coworker who has wheezy breathing? An ex-boyfriend who did you wrong? Now is your chance for eternal revenge and damnation, all for the reasonable price of $12.95!

Though these sites got a good laugh out of me, it also brought me back to all the ways my concepts of heaven and hell have changed. Gone is the sureness of childhood, replaced by a sort of...holy fear and confusion. I guess I've realized that I don't know what it will be like. I am no longer confident that I will see my grandparents again, that I will have a home and a body and maybe even a dog.

Karen Armstrong, a renowned religious scholar and ex-nun, once said in an interview that if Christians get to heaven and find everybody else there, they're going to be pretty ticked off.

At first I was livid at her suggestion that we are such an uncharitable bunch but I've mulling what she said around in my head for a few months, and now I wonder is she right? I ultimately decided that she can only be correct if Christians feel that they are giving up something here on earth in order to get to heaven. And no doubt, some people do feel that way.

But if we feel that we are living life to its fullest and richest potential on earth, as we were instructed, then there could be no disappointment with what we meet or don't meet on the other side. And so I guess that's where I am with heaven and hell now. I've resolved not to get too bogged down with what it will be like and who gets to go and if Buster will be there. Instead I just try to focus on living this life to the best of my abilities, remembering to stop and look at the stars, or set aside a morning to sleep in and savor a cup of coffee.

What do you guys think of heaven and hell now that you're older? Is anyone else more and more confused by the concept?

--May


* If you don't know what this references, you must be younger than me.

This Week in God

So much news, so many pews...what's a girl to do? (Ouch. Feel free to throw things at me.)

Let's play a game to kick off This Week in God, shall we? If I asked you what your favorite book in the whole wide world is, what would you say? What? What's that you say? The B - I - B - L - E? Well, apparently the nation agrees with you, according to this poll. But what if I asked you, what is your favorite fiction book. Then what would you say? Gone With the Wind? I sort of hope not and yet tis true. Hey! Tolkien! Don't get your panties in a bunch. You were third.

Also, this week it was announced that the 462 children taken from the Yearning for Zion compound in Eldorado, Texas will undergo DNA testing to try to establish their parentage. This decision was met with mixed reactions in the media. The members of Yearning for Zion are a sect of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Their leader is none other than Warren Jeffs, who was on the FBI's Ten Most Wanted List until his arrest. He's discussed in detail in the amazing book that I can't recommend enough, Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer.

No word yet if Waco, Texas breathed a huge sigh of relief that it's no longer the craziest corner of the Lone Star State. Sic 'Em Bears!

This just in, we are POOR and maybe that's kind of on purpose. This fascinating article picks apart what's behind the wealth gap between conservative Protestants and the rest of America. Is it because they give their wealth away as the Bible says? Is that a bad thing (in light of the housing crisis)?

And that concludes the headlines from on high. Wait? What's that you say? Didn't someone totally miss the point and disgrace the rest of us this week? Well, now that you mention it, yes. Yet again John Hagee said that Hurricane Katrina was God's wrath on New Orleans. Sigh. THAT should be fun to explain to my coworkers...

--May

Funny Christian Art Day

Today’s specimen is a lovely picture inspired by The Last Supper. I say inspired by because it’s not really The Last Supper that we all know and love.

This is like the generic Last Supper that your mom got on the bottom rack of the supermarket because it’s cheaper and she thought you wouldn’t notice. It’s clearly a representation of the last meal of Christ, but it’s not Leonardo’s (not DeCaprio) famous version, which, in my book, makes it even cooler.

Also, it’s holographic, which gives it extra street cred.

Wayne and I bought this beautiful piece at a junk store around the corner from our church one Sunday. We got there early, and were killing time before the service started. Actually, it may be the only Sunday in history that we got there early.

Anyway, we found this store, and decided to poke around even though it was kind of skanky. The subway out this way is elevated, which means that everything underneath is always dark and loud. The shops lining this street are not the best.

But we had some time, and so we went into this place full of 80’s era answering machines and VHS workout videos, and we struck gold. There was a whole stack of these lovely pictures, and we immediately snapped one up. At $3, I think it was a steal.

Please note the lovely faux marble (plastic) frame and the shiny black “matting.” Also, note the crack in the upper right-hand corner. This was created by our friend Kwame about two hours after we bought the stinkin’ thing. We had laid it on the backseat, and ended up giving Kwame a ride after church, and he threw his guitar onto the back seat and cracked it. It’s ok though, because Kwame is a shrink and since I’m pretty sure I’m going to need one at some point in life, I plan on being nice to him. Also, he sang a gorgeous rendition of a Bonnie Prince Billy song in our wedding, which pretty much means he can crack as many $3 generic skanky holographic Last Suppers as he wants, because we’ll pretty much never make it up to him.

Thanks, Kwame. And thank you Jesus.

How Much Should You Spend on a Wedding Dress?

My fiance and I are paying for our own wedding and that means certain corners must be cut, and then we must go back and cut them again. And yet, I sort of THRIVE on this kind of challenge. Someone should enter me in the Budget Olympics because although I am not afraid of blowing money when I have it, I am also a champ at stretching a buck.

So this has presented many an interesting budget cut. At this point if something doesn't seem necessary to the actual, I do. Do you? part it's on the Big List of Endangered Wedding Indulgences.

This brings us to my latest situation. How much do you spend on a wedding dress? Really, I pride myself on sort of knowing what stuff costs. A three-bedroom apartment in San Francisco proper? 1.5 million, roughly. An engagement ring? Three months' of the man's salary. A #2 meal at In-N-Out? Less than five bucks. But I have no idea what is a reasonable sum to spend on a wedding gown.

Initially I was planning on spending $300 or less. My thinking here is that I'm only going to wear the darn thing once and I don't really care what I wear so long as I get to get married.

But (all you married peeps out there knew THIS was coming) then I saw this dress and I sort of fell in love with it. It's backless! It's called the Dietrich after Marlene Dietrich! It's very old-timey, which is what I want! And the website gave it a one out of four dollar signs! That MUST mean it's cheap, right?

NO. Either my little budget is totally out of whack or this website has a very skewed dollar-sign price indicator, but I'm thinking it might be my budget. Tonight even my mom was like, "$300? Isn't that...a little extreme?"

The funny things I can afford more and I could even get The Dietrich, but then I might be a little tempted to calculate exactly how much it's costing me to wear it...by the minute!

So I suppose I'm wondering if there is a rule of thumb on wedding dresses. Should they cost, um, roughly a tenth of your total wedding cost? More? Is my budget going to get me laughed out of even Crazy Sam's House of Budget Wedding Frocks?

Also, here's a tidbit my friend Moose sent me this week that I think is helping me keep it all in perspective.

In the 1500s, most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence, the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Perhaps I should up my flower budget too. November is a long time after my yearly bath.

--May

Time to Yourself

Based on the feedback from yesterday’s post that you guys like when we talk about random stuff (who knew?), today I’m going to talk about how I spent the past few days eating food from a box, reading YA novels, letting the cats sleep in the bed, and watching episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.



That’s right folks: Wayne is out of town. He's at some conference for IT guys. He just called and had me help him figure out how to win Powerpoint Karaoke. Sounds like a party, no? Anyway, I seem to have reverted immediately back to what my life was like before he came along.

Basically, this amounts to two things: Either I stay out too late with friends and eat too much, or I sit at home and talk to no one for very long stretches of time. I’m perfectly happy doing either. When he’s gone, I can hang out with old friends in a way I can’t when he’s around, and I love that, but I also really love holing up on my couch and working uninterrupted for long periods of time and enjoying time to myself to watch TV shows I know he would hate. But whatever I do, it doesn’t involve a) cooking, b) cleaning up someone else’s mess, or c) watching anything with subtitles.

Of course I miss him, and can’t wait for him to come back and all that, but for now, I’m enjoying the single life again. How about you guys? What do you do when you get some time to yourself?

(Btw, thanks to Holly for the tip about Buffy. I can't believe what I've been missing all these years!)

UPDATE: Wayne came in second place in PowerPoint Karaoke! I'm so proud of my nerd. First place won an iPod nano, but second place is even better: a Barnes and Noble gift card!

Make Your Vote Heard!

When I was in high school, my family took a ski vacation to Colorado and discovered something funny about ourselves: we have a tough time being honest.

The problem arose when we tried to choose where to ski the next day. Some families might scream and yell at each other about this, but we're Southerners and sometimes when big bunches of Southerners get together, they have a hard time expressing their true feelings. Our conversations were going around and around with everyone saying things like, "But Keystone is your favorite!" or "I really love them all equally!" and "I don't mind where we go, honestly!"

And so I said, "Enough is enough! I'm holding a secret vote!" I made everyone write down where they wanted to go and put it in a hat. And you know what we found out? That we all secretly wanted to go to the same place! Isn't that ridiculous?!

So in the spirit of good ol' fashioned American democracy and with the hope that the anonymity will allow you to be honest, Anne and I would LOVE it if you voted on your favorite features of the blog. You don't have to choose just one, so vote for all the features you like, and please leave a comment if you have a great idea for a new feature. We are very for the people, by the people here at Anne & May.

Thanks for making this an awesome place to hang out.

May

This Week in God

This week in New York, everyone was busy wondering: Is the Pope here yet? When is he coming again? Has he left and gone already? Is that why there are so many cops around? Does anyone know?

I’m pleased to report, he did indeed arrive in our fair country, and is scheduled to appear in New York tomorrow. I know I’m planning on ditching work to line the streets and wait for a glimpse of The Popemobile. I mean the Pope.

In related news, there are fewer people in line for the priesthood these days . All kinds of funny jokes are running through my head, but in the interest of keeping things clean and non-offensive, I’m just going to say, well go figure.


In other news, Ben Stein’s new movie Expelled comes out this week, taking on Intelligent Design. No matter where you stand on this issue, the movie looks intriguing.





I will never look at Ferris Bueller’s Day Off the same way again.



Oh, and if you’re going to pray on a plane? Try to do it in your seat, or you might find yourself no longer on said plane, like this guy . I mean, you kind of see his point. Once he starts praying, he can’t stop. I get that way sometimes. You get so excited you just can’t hide it.


Happy Passover, everyone!

Sex and the Soul

Apparently it’s theme week here at GGLHQEC. Earlier this week I blogged about a fantastic new book about sex and spirituality, and today I’m posting about… a fantastic new book about sex and spirituality.

Now, it’s not like I only read books about this stuff. It just kind of happened that two really great books touching on similar themes came out at the same time.

Sexless in the City was a memoir, but Sex and the Soul is… well, it’s technically an academic book, really. It’s put out by an academic press by a religion scholar, but I have to say, it’s the only academic book I’ve ever read that reads like a novel. A really good novel.

Donna Freitas went around to lots of college campuses and talked to students about how thy feel about sex and spirituality—and especially, about the how the two intersect. She talked to students at both evangelical college and “spiritual” colleges (ie, everywhere else), and shares what she learned in this really fascinating book. This article will give you a taste of it. She talks about purity rings and Pimps and Hoes parties (am I allowed to say those words here???) and Joshua Harris and pressure and mistakes and grace, and comes to some really interesting and surprising conclusions.

Oh, and the foreword is by the always marvelous Lauren Winner, author of Real Sex, among other things. Though the book is mostly focused on how sexuality and spirituality play out on college campuses, it has really interesting ramifications for how society deals with these topics. Check it out!